A Quokka Dreeds its Weird

A comet hits the earth, destroying much of it. Hard white men make hard choices in hard times, while women gratefully revert to 1950s-era gender roles and black people become cannibals. Except for the one token black astronaut who only got to go into space due to affirmative action tokenism. But he's not a cannibal, which proves that it's totally not stereotypical that most of the other black people are.

I've been having trouble focusing on fiction while trapped in my apartment, until it occurred to me that maybe I was having trouble focusing on good fiction. So I decided to read a book which I have not read since I was twelve, and which I recalled was not boring but also not good. Plus, it's an apocalypse novel, which is a favorite genre of mine. I thought maybe it would break the spell.

All I really remembered from when I was twelve was that I enjoyed the parts where Los Angeles was destroyed by comet, though I found them sexist even at twelve when I was not sensitive to such things (let me put it this way: I was still happily reading Piers Anthony at that age), but got bored once it moved on from immediate post-comet strike, and also found it incredibly racist though at that age I was even less sensitive to racism than to sexism.

Spoiler: 12-year-old self was right about the sexism and racism. Also, I DNF'd. But not due to quarantine lassitude, due to the fact that I was also right about when it gets boring. However, I skipped ahead to see if I correctly recalled that black people turned to cannibalism. Spoiler: yep!

The first third of this massive book is reasonably entertaining, with a couple legit very good bits. Here's what I liked:

An independently wealthy man, Tim Hamner, is one of the two discoverers of a comet, Hamner-Brown. (Brown is a 12-year-old boy.) All the main characters but four astronauts are in Los Angeles, which is described very accurately according to the geography of the time. We follow them as the comet comes closer and closer to earth, and ends up being nicknamed The Hammer. It eventually hits. This leads to the absolute best moment in the story, when a totally gnarly surfer surfs the most epic wave ever, all the way through Los Angeles, and is totally stoked until his rad ride is interrupted by a skyscraper.

Lucifer's Hammer was published in 1977; you can tell because the ginormous, mostly indistinguishable cast of characters is constantly having sleazy, loveless sex described in the least erotic terms possible.

All the women are always described in terms of their attractiveness to men (always) and breeder potential (post-comet). The two token non-cannibal black characters have no characteristics other than being black, and constantly discuss affirmative action and that they're not like the other, criminal blacks. Except for a few cameo redshirts with names like "the Indian," there are no races other than black or white.

There is an endless bit where pre-strike, a scientist has a TV interview where he describes the comet and the potential of a strike in terms of an ice cream sundae. This is mildly amusing but not actually funny, but all the characters roll around laughing hysterically when it happens and every time it's mentioned, and it's mentioned a LOT. This leads to a sort of meme where the upcoming strike is called "ice cream sundae which is actually Tuesdae;" I totally believe that this would become a meme, but not that people would continue finding it hilarious every time it's mentioned.

The main thing that's interesting about the book, because it's an idea that informs so much apocalypse fiction and also how a lot of social issues are discussed, is the idea of hard men making hard choices in hard times. Here's the premises, which Niven & Pournelle exemplify but did not invent:

At all times but especially during disasters, resources are zero-sum. If you give something to others, you lose it yourself. Generosity and sharing are luxuries which are dangerous to indulge in and must be abandoned in hard times. This is a virtue and shows your strength.

Kindness, equality, and nonviolence are bad. They are also a luxury of the Before Time. Showing kindness to others will cause them to attack you for your resources. It is now fine and in fact essential to beat children and subjugate women, because this is necessary now that times are hard. (Not shown: why it's necessary.)

Only a small circle of people, such as your own family and possibly your chosen group, deserves life. Life is also zero-sum. Attempts to protect non-group members will cause your own group to be harmed. Non-group members will harm you, either deliberately or by consuming your zero-sum resources. They must be driven off, kept out, or killed.

Empathy is zero-sum. If you show it to non-group members, you have less for your group and are actually harming your group.

Guns are essential. Everyone must get as many guns as possible. All interactions with non-group members must begin by threatening them with your guns. If you don't do this, they will interpret it as weakness and attack you.

All human relationships are transactional. Women and children are men's property. The only way an outsider can enter your group is if they possess either male-coded useful skills (ability to shoot, being a doctor, being an architect) or as a possession.

The book ends with the central group having defeated the black cannibals and enslaved them, because they have no other choice but to enslave them, kill them, or let them go and then have them return to attack the group again. Hard white men make hard choices, such as owning slaves.

It was very interesting reading this book now, because you can see how these premises are affecting the US right now. Again, this book didn't cause or invent these premises! It's just an example of them.

For instance, if you believe in zero-sum resources, then you do not want medical care for everyone, only for your own group; any medical care going to others reduces the medical care available to you. Also, if you believe in zero-sum, then any action which increases the safety or saves the lives of a non-group member is actively harming you, by reducing your safety or endangering your life. Better grab and display as many guns as you can carry!

In particular, the idea that showing non-group members empathy or kindness actually harms your own group explains a lot, IMO.

Leaning into the premise: Excellent. It promises a comet hitting Earth, and it's about a comet hitting Earth.

Lucifer's Hammer: A Novel

ETA: Just now noticed that it's a "a novel." LOLOLOL.

A Heinlein juvenile about a family that joins a colony terraforming Ganymede. I read it as a kid, but didn’t remember much. Continuing my theme of surprise!grimdark, I thought it would be a charming tale of explorer spirit and space farming, and it turned out to be awesomely depressing despite a pasted on yay semi-upbeat conclusion. That is not the normal tone of a Heinlein juvenile, which could have dark aspects but were overall optimistic. It also has my least favorite of Heinlein’s juvenile heroes, Bill. He’s clearly meant to have flaws and learn to be better, but I really disliked him for a good 80% of the book.

Bill, an Eagle Scout, lives with his father after their mother’s death in a glum dystopian Earth with food rationing and few opportunities. (It does have microwave dinners, though – good prediction, Heinlein!) Due to being bad tempered and insecure in that awful teenage way that manifests in constantly trying to prove himself and thinking he’s better than everyone, he doesn’t play well with others. Also, he despises girls and women. The misogyny is partly a sign of the times thing and partly a character trait that he’ll mostly get over, but it’s really grating.

He begs his father to let him go be a colonist and farmer on Ganymede, and is pleased when his dad, after testing him to see if he’ll flip out if his father goes without him, tells him they’re going. But first he has to get married! Right now! To a woman Bill barely knows, with a daughter he’s never met before!

You can see where Bill gets his interpersonal skills.

Bill sulks, is mean to the daughter (Peggy, who is younger than him and clearly adores him), and refuses to go to the wedding. Nevertheless, they embark. The space voyage involves Bill running a scout troop, learning to be slightly less of a colossal jerkwad, and saving a bunch of lives by plugging a hole in the ship with his precious scout uniform after a meteorite strike. There are also multiple pages of math and physics explaining… stuff. I skipped those.

At Ganymede, the colonists find that they have been victims of a bait and switch: the farms they were promised are not available and won’t be for years, and the existing colonists don’t want them. It’s hard or impossible to go back, and conditions suck. Poor Peggy can’t adjust to the low air pressure and has to be lodged in a special pressurized room for as long as they’re there. This is super depressing, but the gloom lets up a bit when Bill sharecrops for a nice family who has successfully farmed, and the family eventually gets a farm of their own though Peggy is still stuck in her room and can only leave it in a bubble stretcher.

The farming part is unusual. Due to the expense of transporting mass, there’s very little equipment and farmers need to pulverize rock into dust, then mix it with bacteria to create dirt. It’s backbreaking labor, and that’s most of the farming we see. I was a disappointed, as I wanted more “Little House on Ganymede” details, Bill learning about cows when he’s never seen one before, etc, but most of what we get is pulverizing rock.

And then! Depressing spoilers! ( Read more... )

The continuing adventures of reviews of books I read a while ago but never got around to writing up.

Front cover: An earthquake leaves Kriss stranded with an old hermit and a "talking" chimp!

Back cover: Capers for every kid. Adventure. Mystery. Science fiction & fantasy. Hilarious escapades... by many of today's favorite authors.

This is why thrift stores are great sources of books. I can't imagine finding this weird little unknown work-for-hire book by a very famous author in a regular bookshop, and indeed I never have. I had vague recollections of reading this book as a kid, though I had not remembered the author (I probably read it before I read any of Yolen's more typical works), and recall finding it rather disturbing. I re-read it as an adult. For a very short kiddie adventure novel, it actually is rather disturbing.

The beginning introduces Kriss, a clumsy California boy who wears glasses. His father refuses to take him camping on the grounds that he's so terrible in the outdoors that he'll instantly break his leg, his glasses, and get poison ivy. Annoyed, Kriss decides to sneak out and hike to his grandmother's house. He'll show them!

It is mentioned in passing that a few years previously, there was a huge earthquake and Los Angeles fell into the ocean.

Kriss hitches several rides to get to the wooded area through which he plans to hike. I check the copyright date. Huh, I guess in 1981 the idea of a kid hitch-hiking wasn't OMG SHOCKING, because nothing is made of that. His last ride is with a guy transporting caged signing chimpanzees to a lab. Then the Big One hits! The truck crashes. The driver is killed. All of this is described in pretty vivid detail - again, especially, for a book intended for eight-year-olds.

Kriss releases the chimps, who stick with him. I have to say, after reading about the guy whose chimp ate his face, I would have regretfully left them where they were. But these are nice signing chimps, not face-eating chimps, and they and Kriss wander around the wilderness, helping each other and fleeing the people who immediately reverted to cannibalism pet dog-eating - okay, I guess Yolen did make a concession to the age of her audience. Then one of the chimps falls into a crevasse and is killed.

Kriss then runs into an old vegetarian hermit named Chris. They have adventures together, including trying to rescue some pets from a pet store (most are already dead - I told you this was dark), but he does get another chimp. Then Chris has a heart attack. Surprisingly, he does not die. They are medevaced out by a mysterious, possibly sinister helicopter, and Kriss releases the chimps into the wild and certain death lest the helicopter people do something awful to them. Kriss still has no idea whether or not anyone in his family is still alive.

The end! Only not, because Yolen has an author's note discussing signing chimps. It concludes - this is the last line of the book - But even though scientists may disagree about the talking chimps, they all agree that there is a real possibility that one day California will have a different coastline than the one it has today. Have a nice day, California readers! It is scientific fact that one day you and your family may be killed in a giant earthquake!

I don't give this an "awesomely depressing" because it doesn't actually read that way, despite the dead people, dead chimps, dead dogs, dead pets, possibly dying buddy, and possibly dead family. It reads as an entertaining but slight adventure that would probably have been more memorable at a longer length. But seriously, that author's note! What was she thinking?

The Boy Who Spoke Chimp



So, what weird children's books do you recall, or wonder if you imagined? Have you read any of them as an adult? How were they?